And The Survey Says…..

Yaaaaay, We have more surveys stating that things are getting better.  Parents are friends with their kids Online and LaLaLa.  Part of Online safety must revolve around Kids and Internet etiquette.  If you would not say it to another child’s face then don’t say it, supposedly, anonymously Online.  With Bullying and CyberBullying becoming the new hot button topics in the Online Safety arena and Pushing the Internet Predator down the safety ladder, I think we just have to pay attention to not only Online Privacy, keeping your personal information personal, but also Online Behavior.  Our children are taking their own lives because they can not handle the 24/7 abuse.

In real life or the virtual world of Online Social Networking Parents still have to be Parents.  Will their children think they are cool because they are finally starting to use some of these fun Social Networking sites?  Maybe or Maybe not.  When Parents want to be more of a child’s friend than a child’s Parent this is where the problems will start.  I use the term Friend loosely here, because of so called Friend’s Lists like on FaceBook and the like.  Do I agree that it is important that a child’s Parent is also on a child’s friend’s list? Absolutely.  The idea behind that needs to go deeper though.  That Parent maybe on the child’s friend list, but could also be part of a subsist that only gets to see half of what is really going on on the child’s profile page.

I just don’t want Parents to get this warm fuzzy feeling that all is going well in the world. They need to understand what they may see on the child’s Social Networking page may only be the tip of the Iceberg.    I also don’t want to be an alarmist and put out that the sky is falling either.  It boils down to, there is more to being a parent and wanting your child to be safe online than just being a child’s friend and on a child’s friend list.  It is a start, but I would still have the child’s email address that they used to create their Online Accounts and the password to that email account and password to the Online Social Networking account.  I would, upfront, let my child know that I was going to be checking it from time to time.  I would hope that it would not come down to monitoring software, but I certainly am not opposed to it if the need arises.  Would I tell my child I was monitoring their online activities with software, probably not, since there must be something seriously broken for me to have to stoop to that level.  Another piece of advice I would give is to do an Internet Search, whether through Google or Bing or multiple search engines for your child’s name or nickname every so often.  You may be surprised at what you find.

So I am glad these surveys say things are looking better, but with more than 7 million underage children on FaceBook alone, according to Consumer reports, I am thinking there is some room for error and I tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to believing in surveys completely.  I believe they are a decent pulse of the way things are, but there is always an odd arrhythmia to toss a kink into things.

FormSpring.me Freedom To CyberBully Anonymously

I believe that FormSpring is a Broken Spring.

This is just blowing me away…Here is a recent quote pulled from a young Central Pa. girl’s Formspring account “bitch you ain’t fooling anyone. you act like you can beat everyone up in “Town Name Removed“ when you fucking can’t. so stfu and kill yourself:):):)):):):):)”.  This is just a sample of the garbage I have been reading as I have been researching FormSpring.

Really, this is unbelievable that children would want to subject themselves to this abuse.  This girl may have been 14 at the time this comment / question was being posed to her.  She is 15 now, after digging around a bit more.

Most recently a 14 year old Jamey Rodemeyer, of Buffalo, NY, had taken his life.  In one of his videos he mentioned that he wished he had not created a FormSpring account due to the abuse he took on there.  There have been other instances of FormSpring being mentioned, as in Alexis Pilkington’s suicide.  Alexis apparently received hundreds of nasty and demeaning comments and questions on her FormSpring account.  Another account of abuse at the hands of CyberBullies on FormSpring is Natasha MacBryde.  I can find many more I am sure.  These 3 children are no longer with us due to Suicide witch is being renamed to “Bullycide” due to Bullying and CyberBullying attributing to the end result.  Bullying and CyberBullying may not be the root cause, but I believe it is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I always find myself blogging when I notice that some are not really taking this type of incident seriously enough.  I just don’t understand it.  No one wants to be an alarmist, no one wants to say epidemic fine I understand that, but when you have children dying something a bit more drastic has to be put into action.  When some “Experts” are saying you know things are getting better, the numbers are coming down…all that does is make the lawmakers believe they don’t have to go out of their way to put together maybe a Bill / Law that might curb Bullying / CyberBullying.  Kids are dying, what more of an urgency do we need?

If there are laws in place that give school districts a bit more strength to fight with then maybe things will look better.  I believe that school districts are to fixated on looking at the bottom line anymore.  Something needs to change.  I know Bullying can’t be stopped, I am not that naive, but we have to be able to curb it some.

I just love it when I hear a School District Administrator say they can’t do anything about Bullying or CyberBullying when it happens outside of school hours and or school property.  Do they just think that the problem just goes away when kids get into the school during school hours?  Some of the policies I have seen is that a school district will do something if it meets their criteria of being a distraction to the school at large.  Well that is just dandy for the individual who is setting in the classroom being disrupted inside, because he or she is suffering the anxiety of wondering what is being put online about them next or what kids are saying to them on the way to and from school.  The kids / Bullies are smart, they know that the school’s policies have no teeth outside of the school.  This is where we as a Community have to push on our Legislatures to give the schools the ability to provide for some sort of punishment for kids that are Bullying and CyberBullying others.

Children do not have the mental maturity to handle these 24/7 relentless attacks on them.  For those who can not handle it, they are the ones we read about as having committed suicide.  For the “Experts” what is that magic number where you consider Bullying and CyberBullying a very serious problem?  With all these numbers going down but the death toll rising, I am thoroughly confused.  Actually I am not confused at all, this is a serious risk to our children, if you don’t think so ask those loved ones left behind.

FormSping.me is a site that is making money from advertising and such on their site.  They may not have intended on the site to go the way it has, but it has gone that route.  I have looked through many accounts on there and am just flabbergasted by the questions asked of the children.  Example at the beginning of this blog, is just a very small taste of what I have seen there.  Create an account and browse around for yourself.  You will see the cesspool of garbage being thrown at the kids and I suppose we are expected to just set back and let it happen.  Our children will have to put up with garbage all their lives, we should do what we can to protect them while they are young.  I guaranty that if FormSpring took away the ability to anonymously submit questions / comments the abuse would drop dramatically.  Would kids just make up user accounts and the like to abuse? Yes, but the more work you make it for them the less likely it will be as rampant as it presently is.

Things Are Getting Better ???

*** I added this part, since I had calmed down a bit by the time I reached a few paragraphs into my rant.  I am not going to remove anything though, it is good therapy to release once in a while, so please take with a grain of salt if you have to  🙂 ***

It took me a little while to even figure out what I wanted to title this blog.  I am hearing things like CyberBullying is not an Epidemic and Parents are doing a good job monitoring their children’s Internet activity now.  I don’t know, I still feel since some kids are taking their own lives we still have a pretty big problem.  I am not trying to be an A**hole but am I to gather from the experts saying it is not as bad as we are making it, that all is fine in the world?

Last week, a bit of an exaggeration, I thought, those in the know, that something needed to be done to get parents attention and get kids to understand that we as adults are going to do our best to get CyberBullying under control, since we did not do such a hot job on the Physical Bullying issue.

This week, I am seeing articles saying how things are better and that parents are fulfilling their responsibilities of keeping track of what their children are up to online.  I can’t wait until I am talking in front of 100 6th graders and get their opinion on this.  Really I am excited to see that so much of a positive change has occurred in the past year.  Is it possible that things have gotten better in the past year?  Sure it is possible, maybe the focus needs to be addressed toward teen pregnancy more.  I know I have a real issue with seeing the kids in my small central Pa. community walking through the middle of town pushing baby carriages.

I certainly don’t have access to the same information, until it is published, that those much higher up the chain of command do.  I am certainly happy to see that there is a decline in some of the issues that we have all wanted to see a decline in.  I am also thankful for those who share the information with us all.  It just seemed like such a quick change in the mindset,  from making sure we do everything we can to get the word out to parents and children about the threats that are out there on the Net, to you know we have done a good job lets make sure we don’t scare people off the Net.

I wish I knew what to say next that would not be taken harshly.  What I think I will do is just be thankful that the numbers, according to the experts, are going down.  I don’t think we need to create hysteria of course, but we should not let up on our resolve as long as I am still hearing about a child taking their life do to a relentless barrage of Bullying and CyberBullying.

My forte has always been the threat Internet Predators pose, but with CyberBullying becoming such a hot button topic I think we need to not let our guard down because of a few surveys and studies saying all is getting better in the world.  With something so serious, where children are taking their own lives because of all the pressure, then we still have some work to do.  I am not sure who out there in the industry has a Phd. in Psychology but we have children that need help.  Most agree that CyberBullying was not the single cause of a child taking their own life, but I do not doubt for a second that it very well could be in some cases.  I know I certainly can not speak to problems beyond Internet threats to our children, and I never claimed to have an idea on how to help a child through their personal problems.  What we all agree on though, is that if Bullying and CyberBullying can have a leash put on them, then we can certainly get a grip on part of a child’s problems.

For those that still think that Bullying / CyberBullying is just a part of a youth’s life, you are wrong.  It does not have to be and it should not be.  Kids have enough to deal with as they strive to keep up academically and socially in their young lives.  I think anything we adults can do to make the children’s lives a bit easier, we should probably do it.

Bullying has been around forever and CyberBullying is just a way for the Bulliers to continue after their victims after school hours, which in turn makes Bullying and CyberBullying a 24/7 relentless attack on a child.  If we as adults stand back and do nothing, then children will keep on dying because of this senseless and selfish act.  If we do not act by intervening with Information and Laws, then we might as well just keep saying like the thick headed individuals that believe this, is that it is just part of growing up.

I know I would have been a bit happier without the bullying, but mine was nothing compared to some of the garbage that goes on these days.  I was also lucky there was no such thing as CyberBullying back then.  Survival of the fittest should not be part of our humanity.  We are above that in the world.  We are supposed to be civilized and as a civilized race we should be able to overcome such barbaric thoughts of “Survival of the Fittest” mentality.

This ended out going on much longer than I had anticipated, but those that know me know I can be a bit winded when expressing my thoughts on Internet Threats to our Children.  We can make a difference, no matter what the studies say.  Bullying and CyberBullying can and has killed.  As said before, it might not be the root cause, but it sure can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

CyberBullying Hype ???

I totally understand the articles that Larry Magid and now Ann Collier have put out about people going into hysterics over Cyberbullying.  I understand that it is not an epedemic, I also understand that it is not the smoking gun that is killing children.  I do feel however that it is a weapon of choice for intolerance.  Just as it is said by gun enthusiasts, Guns don’t kill, People do.  I think the same can be said about Bullying and CyberBullying.  They may not be the primary problem but they sure are the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Am I going to not talk about CyberBullying being a problem anymore? No Way….I feel it is a problem, even if the numbers are “Falling”  Individual school districts may vary.

I am sure if you ask how big of a deal Bullying and CyberBullying was to those who are now living without a loved one or a friend that has passed because they were pushed to their limit, they would let you know that it was a very big factor if not the primary factor in some cases.

I do not claim to be an expert, I only claim to have a passion to try and keep our children safe while online.  Parents and children need to be kept informed of these threats, whether it is Internet Predators or CyberBullying or whatever is unknown coming down the Pike to harm our children online.  The Internet has so much good to offer to us and our children.

I understand hysteria certainly is not the way to go, because their can be casualties from the stampede of persons running when someone yells fire in a movie theater because someone lit a match.  The primary goal of everyone who wants to see our children have a safe experience online should be education.  The press does tend to embellish when they report on these stories and that of course can fuel hysteria.  I admit I am one that can be easily fueled, but we are not talking about 1 or 2 children…Look at my page, I have 18 children listed there, with more to be added.  Some are listed as casualties from Internet Predators some from Bullying and some from CyberBullying.

I know the experts are not trying to minimize it or sweep the problem under the rug, but to say we don’t want to make too big of a deal of these issues is a bit backward to me, heck maybe only me.  I see children, yes who might have underlying issues and not such a great home life or something else other than being bullied or cyberbullied.  But the fact of the matter is Bulling and CyberBullying is a contributing factor and I have been around for 44 years and we have not stomped out Bullying yet.  I am living proof of that since I knew bullying when I was younger and I am still hearing of it today.  With CyberBullying wanting to be the new age Bullying, I think we better put it in high gear.  I would like to think we have come a long way in our ability to be tolerant of those that are less fortunate or different, but if we don’t take a hold of this situation we will allow Bullying to evolve past CyberBullying to something we may not be able to control with a school assembly and a few laws.

Bullying, in this day and age, most certainly involves CyberBullying in some way shape or form.  Think about it when we were young Bullying was a crappy part of the school day for the most part.  We could escape it at the end of the day when we got home.  That is in most cases I feel.  Today though, when the end of the school day hits the physical / mental bullying moves to the technological side.  The Internet and cellphones provide a way for the bullies to effortlessly continue the bullying into the we hours of the night.  Even sleep comes hard to those that are being Cyberbullied.  A child goes to sleep wondering what is flying around the Web about them throughout the night.

The Net is a huge part of a child’s life.  You just can’t take the Net away from your child and think the problem will go away.  Your best bet is to open up the lines of communication with your child.  Know your child so you can tell when something is off with her or him.  We all need to work on those skills.  I dread the day I see my daughter and I can’t tell that she is upset.  I want her to always be able to be open with us.  Hopefully at the age of seven we can instill this openness with us.

This blog is not meant to slam anyone.  I just felt I had to get my feelings out about this topic.  I want people to know that they are not alone.  When we just toss out numbers of how good or bad the problem is, it does nothing to make those who have lost loved ones feel any better, in my opinion.

Death By The Internet

I have stated in previous posts on the Protect Children Online FaceBook Fan Page that Cyberbullying can kill and has killed.  There are still those that believe this is not the case.  Is it going to take an entire generation for this to be taken more seriously?  Children do not have the mental maturity to handle this type of abuse, Yes I said abuse.  The “Sticks and Stones will break  bones but names will never hurt me” mentality does not apply in this day and age. Just like when I am talking about Internet Predators with Parents and I discuss how the TV and the Internet are being used as a babysitter with them.  Many parents think the Computer is as docile as the TV was, when that could not be further from the truth.  The possibility of your child being hurt because of the abuse they are receiving while on the computer can be life threatening if not ending.

I Recently added a picture of Natasha MacBryde who became a casualty in February of this year to Bullying and CyberBullying.  Before her death the site was FormSpring, where she received comments about her parents divorcing.  After death the site was FaceBook, where her memorial page was marred by insensitive remarks to basically create havoc on her page.  This is not the first time for Formsping.me to be mentioned in a CyberBullying issue where a child had taken their life.  Many will recall Pheobe Prince, who, after receiving many insensitive remarks on this site had also taken her own life.  These are not coincidences.

Facebook was a site originally created for adults, in age that is.  When they opened it up to the world it was like opening this big undiscovered playground for children to go crazy in.  When it was just MySpace, which was geared more towards teens, we only had to keep track of it.  FaceBook is by far the superior product in popularity.  When sites like FormSpring pop up that really have no rhyme nor reason…just an Ask A Question attitude with no real moderation, you are bound and do have abuse.  With the loss of life, that appears to have a grounding in CyberBullying via some of these sites, should we expect more of a moral high ground out of Web Sites that are going to entice our children to play on their playgrounds?  I think we can expect it, but with advertisers wanting more and more people / kids to see their products, I think everything to include the kitchen sink is thrown out the window here to entice people / kids to utilize their particular website.  Whether it is a site that has no real purpose but to allow kids to ask the deep dark secrets, with supposed anonymity, of each other, or a site that has 700 million users and no real way to separate the kids from the adults, we will not be able to get them to take a moral high ground.  This competition has so much money at stake our children don’t have much of a chance unless we, as parents are paying attention.

We have children dying here, and the sites that allow children to just run rampant and CyberBully each other and allow adults to interact with kids, which can put children in danger from Online Predators will just keep drawing in the Teens and now Tweens into the cesspool of Internet Goo which puts our children possibly facing a death sentence.

As I have said time and again Parents, We are the first line of defense in Real Life and Cyber Life that our children have.  We may not get a second chance to keep them safe in this day and age of 24/7 relentless attacks on our children, whether it be a CyberBully attack or an Internet Predator grooming our child for a couple of months until they meet In Real Life (IRL), we need to be there to save them.  Please just educate yourself and pay attention to your child or children.  Get to know your child so when they seem out of sorts you can recognize it.  I know we are all busy and there are some of us, where both parents are working, but our children did not ask to be born, they are and always will be our responsibility.  Lets take our responsibility seriously and watch out for our angles.  Their time with us may only be limited to the time we take in protecting them.  Our Children Need Our Help.

Teaching About The Cyber World In Schools

This seems to be becoming a bit of a popular topic, where I have made a comment or two here and there about.  I think our schools are having a hard enough time teaching and keeping kids interested in the basics, Reading, Writing and Arithmetic.  Then add to that Social Studies and Sciences, and schools are running out of daylight.  I know that is a small exaggeration I admit, but many schools are struggling with funding and the like to even keep basic Vocational or Music Departments and Arts teachings going on.  When it comes to computers, I see schools do teach things about popular software packages and the computer itself physically.  I have seen 6th graders being taught about some things on the Net, but am unaware if they are being taught about “Al Gore having Invented the Internet”.  OK I had to toss that in there.  I will say though, that tossing in Social Networking and Online Netiquette (How to act Online) classes could possibly be a class all on its own for 9 weeks.  Teaching proper Online Netiquette could be of benefit, I am not saying kids could not benefit from this, but I just don’t see where schools could fit it in.

The benefits of teaching Online Netiquette are highly beneficial, I am not arguing that.  Teaching children to guard their personal data, please do.  My only question is, should it be part of a school’s curriculum?
Here in lies the question…Do you hamper a school’s ability to teach our children, by throwing so much at them to try and cram into the children’s head?  Children are learning much faster on their own, when it comes to going Online or texting with their cell phones.  They don’t want to be bored with what Google is or what the big box on the floor is.  They want to fly period.  We add Social Networking and ID Protection to the curriculum and you are going to bore many of the kids.  Personally kids are on the Net more for socializing than probably anything else.  Where and When do kids socialize the most online?  Mostly from home, whether it is their own laptop or the home’s (Centrally Located) computer or their Internet capable cell phone.

It is important for kids to utilize all these devices responsibly.  That is not in question.  I just think that this is something that the parents should be teaching to their children.  I know we are all so busy, but these are our children and their safety we are talking about.  Oh yes safety has come into the conversation.  How can we expect our teachers to raise our children though?  Safety in real life or Cyber Life requires that the education start at home.  I really can’t put that any clearer, in my opinion.  Teachers certainly have an interest in our children’s education, they are the educators.  How can we expect them to raise so many children though?  We, as parents, make most of the decisions for our children.  We also are supposed to teach them right from wrong, in my opinion, in Real Life and why not Cyber Life?  We provide them with the technology to get online.  Do we not teach them because we are intimidated by the technology we provide them?  How do we know the food is good that we feed them?  We try it first.  You are not expected to be an expert, just familiarize yourself with it.

Back to the topic, I suppose.  I think that having speakers come into the schools and give presentations and talks about Internet Safety i.e. Internet Predators, Cyberbullying and Sexting every so often is just as beneficial to the students, without burdening a School District with trying to figure out yet another lesson to shove into an already tight curriculum.  I am certainly not defending School Districts that are not doing the job of educating our children, but we need to keep in mind that the money does not grow on trees for these districts.

Thee are groups that will come in for free.  I would imagine most State Attorneys General offices have free speaking programs about online safety and Netiqutte, as Pennsylvania does.  I have spoken for the past three years at middles schools.  The targeted grades are 6th, 7th and 8th.  It is moving closer to 5th, but I think that would require some finesse at that low of a grade level.  By 8th grade the kids feel they know everything about the Internet and the technologies used to navigate it, so they are a bit harder to get through to.  I was seated in the back of an auditorium during an AG’s presentation on Online Safety and the older kids were in the back and I bet 20 to 30% were not even paying attention.

At the end of the day, I believe it is up to the parents to educate their children about Online Safety just as we would educate them on Stranger Danger in the real world.  The school does not teach our children to not run out onto the road without looking We, as parents,  Do.

Hyper Sensitivity or Not to Internet Predators, Cyberbullying and Sexting ?

Whether it is Internet Predators, Cyberbullying or Sexting, children’s lives are forever being changes by theses Internet / Technology based crimes.  I am 44 years old.  Computers were rarely something some Schools had quite yet.  You could see an occasional terminal plugged into a phone couple like you would have seen on the movie “War Games”.  They were just making the rounds.  By the time PC’s were getting popular, though, Pedophiles and Perverts were already utilizing these tools…Always one step ahead of Law Enforcement.  Now are children use them as one of the primary ways to communicate with their friends.  They were just with their friends all day and what is the first thing they do when they get home Text or IM their friends 🙂

I have been seeing articles recently stating that maybe the media is making too big of a deal or maybe creating to much hysteria among parents about Internet Predators and other such Internet Crimes Against Children.  I agree that shows like MSNBC’s “To Catch A Predator” or Local TV News stations wanting to take advantage of the hoopla definitely pushed it to the media limits.  Although, I credit “To Catch A Predator” with getting me into advocacy for Safety Online for Children, I do agree that it was very crazy back then, due in part by the show.  I still make a fairly big deal about Internet Predators though.  I mean how can you not give it some due with children being raped and dying because it. A truly sad example and a loss to the world is the Kacie Woody story at this address:  http://kaciewoody.homestead.com/Story.html   One child is one child too many over something that truly can be prevented just by getting the information out there.

When you see the shows like “To Catch A Predator” which sort of made it more entertaining than educational, or when Local TV News broadcasts really hype up a predator story, and you take them with a grain of salt, it makes you think maybe there is not so much to worry about, when it comes to Internet Predators.  I, for one though, believe there is still a decent risk.  I have seen it first hand, when it comes to the Internet stings.  When you have strictly Law Enforcement doing this task, as with the Pennsylvania Attorney’s General Child Predator Unit, with over 290 arrests with a 100% conviction rate since 2005, how can you not see a threat?  That is just one Law Enforcement group. Then I have people come up to me and say it was a sting operation, there was no real child involved, and I say to them, What if there was??? or “Thank Goodness”.  The Predator does not know that, they are thoroughly convinced that they are talking to a minor child.  I know they believe that…They came to visit me for Pete’s sake.

OK the word Pedophile gets thrown around too much in these types of crimes.  These guys that want to meet a 12, 13, 14 or 15 year old children are just down right perverts.  I have been involved with these chats and can feel these guys typed words as they come across the screen.  There have been times that I thought it was just so unbelievable that these adult men had such dark sexual fantasies about young kids.  When these Predators are caught in these “Sting Operations” a child and family is being spared some very emotional and physical trauma.  These Predators, while chatting with a child, may think that they are just fulfilling some twisted fantasy, but with the ones I have talked to, the thin line between Fantasy and Reality gets blurred and when they decide to put a “meet in real life” card on the table…There is almost no turning back.  One guy that was arrested in my home town, traveled over 100 miles to meet, for sex, with what he thought was a 13 year old girl.  This guy was big, and the girl he, was supposedly meeting, was so tiny and would not have been able to prevent this guy from taking advantage of her.  It was all planned out and he was ready…He showed up and the only thing that was scarier than him was his plan.  I know the details of the chat.  This guy was determined and when he was caught he had a machete, rope and a permit to carry, but was not, a gun on him.  If there would have been a real child, and she decided that he was not the one for her, then this could have ended very badly.

I just saw a riveting movie recently call Trust_.  Mellenium Entertainment and David Schimmer and all those involved with this film did a fantastic job of bringing this topic to the forefront.  I believe there will be those who will say this is just another way to raise the hysteria level, but this movie does a very tasteful job of letting us know how so many are effected by this crime.  The acting and directing of this movie really sheds a light on this topic and it does it so well.  I have to give Liana Liberato such Kudos for her performance in this film…She ripped my heart out when she told her father that she hated him in the film.  As a father of a 7 year old daughter, it certainly made me think about the days ahead and how I want to make sure I prepare myself for the Technology that is coming.  You can visit the movie’s site at:  http://www.trustmovie2011.com/   I highly recommend this movie to parents.  Please know what your children are doing online.

Then there are the true believers that this is not a real crime that say that a child would never talk that way with an adult man to let a conversation turn so sexual and allow an adult man to enter her life.  That is so not true…walk downtown of any town or city.  Look at the kids pushing their baby carriages and tell me kids don’t have these sexual thoughts.  Now toss in there a child that has a low self esteem, many do in middle and Jr. high, and are lonely with no one that understands them and you have a combination for a child to be groomed by a Predator to the point of her being putty in his hands.

When kids could be raped or killed by these monsters, I don’t think there is too much hype out there.  Protecting your children is a parent’s responsibility.  Law Enforcement is there to help, but usually after the crime has been committed.  The parent or guardian has the initial responsibility to give their children a good foundation of right and wrong and then to help their children understand that they can come to them with problems and not be ridiculed or punished for coming to them.  I have run into parents that are concerned about this situation that take punishment a bit to far, which is what the child fears more than the possible consequences of their actions on the Net.  I just had a parent come to me, whose child had a friend on her friends list that she did not know and it was a boy.  She ended out banning the child from the Internet for like 3 months.  You might as well cut a child’s hands off, if you are going to do that.  You will never get the communication we should all desire with our children with those types of threats looming.  That was a bit of an over reaction on the Mom’s part.  You have to know that children were raised on this technology and they do not fair well without it.

I know there are so many parents that are intimidated by today’s technology.  When I talk to children at a school and ask them if they know more about computers / the Net than there parents I always get all hands in the air.  You know what, I don’t doubt that.  When I talk to parents I try to get them to understand that they are their child’s first line of defense against any Internet Crimes Against Children.  A parent that can talk to their child and understands the technology, even just a little, as long as they are not scared of it, will go so far in protecting their children from Internet Predators, Sexting or Cyberbullying.  Will a child make mistakes? of course, but as long as a parent does not over react the whole thing can go much smoother.

I know I spent a great deal of time on Internet Predators, but that really seems like the only crime that people are trying to shove under the rug, as if it is not that big of a deal.  Kids have been raped and killed by these Predators. All I am asking for, is for the crime to be taken seriously enough for parents to talk to their children about it, and to know the signs that a child may be doing inappropriate things online.

Now onto Sexting and CyberBullying…Both of these issues can also lead to the premature death of a child.  The “Sticks and Stones” approach is just not advised here at all.  What this takes is a parent who is understanding and can listen.  Only a few years ago, a young girl named Jessie Logan took her own life because of a Sexting and then Cyberbullying incident.  Here is a link to her story:  http://aftab.com/index.php?page=jessie-logan-s-story  So why not take these technology crimes seriously.  There are many more examples of how life threatening Sexting and Cyberbullying can be.  Law Enforcement and Government is having a hard time keeping up with these technology crimes.  I personally think it is because it has to deal with children and no one wants to jump into the arena of having Government raising children.  I for one agree, but there has to be punishment of some sort by Law Enforcement.  Parents have to understand that they have to be held accountable for their children’s actions.  The children have to understand that there is consequences to their actions.  Not only do they have the embarrassment of the crimes, but they also have the punishment.  Children need to think before they post.  In many cases it can’t be taken back and it could be around for life.  I believe a child is going to get hit with a double whammy when they are caught sexting.  Right after the sexting incident, then they are in trouble with their peers, in the form of Cyberbullying, as in the case of Allyson Pereira, who I consider a survivor.  Here is her story, which I am happy that she alive and here to tell:  http://kiwicommons.com/2011/08/sexting-gone-wrong-allyson-peireira-tells-kiwi-her-story/   Check out the other two links on this page that are titled “A Thin Line” and “Sexting in America”.  This story is nothing new in a teen’s life during their middle, junior and high school years.  Children are going to make mistakes like this, but I don’t feel we should make that mistake any worse by labeling a child a “Sex Offender” or the like.  I am for serious community service with counseling and have them tell their stories to others so they will not suffer the same ordeal.

People don’t get up in front of your children and talk about these things because it is fun to do.  I have been in front of them and also setting in the back of a room while the kids are ignoring or making fun of the presenter.  It is important though that kids hear about these crimes.  Yes, both Sexting and CyberBullying can be and in some States are crimes.  I have pointed out how these crimes can also kill…There is all too much evidence of that.  What this takes is a parent or guardian who is understanding and can listen.  That is one of the best tools with these issues, is an adult who can listen.  Be a parent that can tell when their child is a bit off….Homework / School work dropping off….Not wanting to hang out with their friends, and there is more to watch out for.  I know we are all busy these days.  I have a daughter and both my wife and I work.  It is not easy by a long shot…I admit I have to work on my parenting skills much more before I am ready to take on tween and teen age years.  We can do it though.  I am not exaggeration when I say our children’s lives may depend on it.

Do You Know What An Internet Predator Looks Like?

Every time I speak about Internet Predators, I am talking about what parents have to look for on the Net and that.  What I may not spend enough time enough time doing is talking about who the Internet Predator may be.

I just finished watching the Movie Trust_.  It is the latest directorial accomplishment by David Schimmer (Ross from Friends).  I have seen this movie more times than I will admit, but in my defense I have noticed something new every time thus far.

So here we go…I often tell parents and children about how the old “Stranger Danger” rule is as important if not more important on the Net than it is in real life.  I mention how, in real life, we worry about the guy in the trench coat and hat hiding behind the bushes at the edge of the playground.  Now with the Internet, the playground is the Internet, the bushes are each and everyone’s computer and the man in the trench coat can exchange that now for a suit and tie, a doctor’s uniform or even a Pastor’s gown.  The Internet Predator can be a Doctor, Pastor, Lawyer a Fireman or a person without a job at all.  Some of the best examples of this was a TV show from a while back that used to be on MSNBC called “To Catch A Predator”.  The show was certainly under fire a lot, but from experience, I know these guy believed they were really chatting with what they thought was an underage female or male.  I have chat logs from when I was doing the decoy thing and these guys were the first ones to start sex talk…If a guy says hello to you and you say hi back and then he comes back with an A/S/L (Age / Sex / Location) and you tell him 13/F/Wherever and then he comes back with a 28/M/Wherever and then asks if you mind the age difference then this conversation is not going to go so well.  It won’t take them to long to test the waters by asking little sexual questions.  I will say that out 25 guys I chatted with most said Good Bye too young…That I love to see, but when they continue it just gets ugly after that.

My point behind this is these guys ask some pretty disgusting questions of what they believe is a 13 year old girl or boy.  Now think of the guy on the other side of the Net as a Lawyer or Doctor or Pastor….They could be in another State or City or they could be your Neighbor.  Just as an example look at the Megan Meier case where her friend’s mother Lori Drew admitted to creating a fake MySpace account to try and get information out of Megan about things she may have been saying about her daughter.  Mrs. Drew had Megan believe she was a 16 year old boy named “Josh Evans”.  You can look up the rest.  Mrs. Drew not only was Megan’s friend’s Mother but they were also Neighbors.  This shows that an Internet Predator can be as close as next door and cause damage without stepping a single foot into your house.  Keep in mind the Internet Predator’s true goal is to get his or hers hands on your Son or Daughter.  The three that I helped to capture was a guy from Pittsburgh, that was training to be in Law Enforcement of some sort.  The second was a factory type worker.  The third was a Teacher from another State.  The first two expected a meet with the child and the third showed live graphic web cam shows of himself.  As you can see, they don’t even have to be physically in your home.

If you let your child have a laptop or a computer in their room, you might as well let the front door open to your house 24 hours a day.  They would probably be safer leaving the door open.

I got a bit off topic…The man that played “Charlie” in the movie Trust_ makes you feel so grossed out as he is grooming Annie.  But in the very end you see Charlie again, but this time it is him the Family man.  To me, being this close to the topic, I felt the ending credits part was directorial genius.  It shows “Charlie” AKA Mr. Weston a Physics Teacher and dad of maybe a 10 year old son.  They are at a fair or market when a Student of Mr. Weston’s introduces his Teacher to his parents and Mr. Weston introduces his Wife and Son to them.  Nothing gets me more than when an adult in a position of authority over a child takes advantage of that trust that we have in them to take care of our children.  It really scares me every time a teacher is arrested for one of these Internet Crimes Against Children.  These people are with our children more than we are in many cases.

Take this from this post, and I hope it reads well, No one knows what an Internet Predator looks like or where they may be.  Don’t let that front door of the Internet open, and keep your children safe.  Keep the PC or Laptop where you can see it.  The best piece of advice I can give is to communicate with your child, make them feel safe and loved and let them know they can tell you anything without some crazy punishment like yanking the Internet out of the wall on them.  In this day and age if you tell your child that they better not do certain things on the Net with the threat that they will loose their connectivity they will never come to you with a problem.

Please if you have any questions or want to chat about this email me here on Facebook or at wlatchford@protectchildrenonline.org